Deep and Wide August 01 2015, 4 Comments
A preface to the next few posts. Goodness, I am doing this so backwards!
This has been an extremely difficult task. Yes, emotionally it can really stir me up for hours if not days. I don't mind that part so much because I like to feel any emotion connected with Bryer. It's what have. But beyond that, there is a reason it's been a slow process to write B's story and that I haven't attempted to write THIS part out. Quite honestly, I haven't known how. How do I capture, to put it simply, "the God parts"? How does anyone do that well? But especially little old me. It seems that any attempt to articulate God's presence, soul stirrings, spirit whispers, heart holding...would feel puny in comparison to having actually been in their midst. This is not a unique predicament, I know. Perhaps it's just not possible to evoke the same stirring in someone else's mind, body and soul no matter what words you choose or how intricately you try to explain…no matter how badly you yearn for them to "get it".
It's enough to make you not even try, at least that's how I've felt. But that doubt and fear is a lying sack of a road block.
So, before I even clicked on this empty blog and stared at the blinking cursor, I had to settle something in my mind or I'd still have never written the first word. However good or bad my words flow or come across, I am choosing to entrust them to the one who is the Author of Life. To Him who had this story written far before He even breathed purpose into Bryer. My words won't change a heart anyway…He's the only one who can do that.
You don't have to look far to find stories of human suffering and grief. Sadly, the devastation of loss is all around us. I am not the first to have watched a child suffer and then die. We've all heard and read about worse situations than ours. This I know is true: there is always something worse.
It is, however, the first I've stood witness to watching my child suffer and die.
Yes, our Bryer suffered. And because he suffered, we also suffered.
But, amidst the suffering was depth.
Suffering certainly can unveil the worst in us, but also the best, leaving authenticity in its wake. Authenticity is a beautiful thing.
Suffering stripped pride and humility and opened our hand to receive community in bigger ways. Life was found wrapped in compassion exuding from a stranger and the sacrifice and relief offered from a friend or family.
Suffering whittled away at the meaningless and narrowed our focus. Simplicity and perspective is good.
In the hard places of suffering, we found pearls of truth. It's these truths which illuminated the cavernous corners of our soul and helped us to live more intentionally.
Yes, in the midst of great suffering and affliction, it's almost impossible to live wide, but oh the depths The Lord will take you if you let Him. I read this the other day, "Affliction is a bruising of a blessing, but it IS a blessing from the hand of God." It's when we share in Christ's sufferings that we find intimacy with Jesus that is impossibly sweet. Now that's going deep.
Yes, our Bryer died. But the Good News, THE NEWS, is that his story doesn't end there. In fact, he is just beginning to live! And when I think on that pearl, I can smile.
Now, it's time for our family to live more wide. To share the depths we were taken and the pearls of God's truth and promises we found while there. To be the stranger with compassion and the friend offering relief. To be the givers instead of the receivers. To meet someone else in their deep.
What I have prayed will come through Bryer's story is the thread of ETERNAL HOPE and God's ever present help in our time of trouble which was weaved both subtly and boldly throughout his life and even still. Please, it's never my intent to over dramatize, come off as holier-than-thou or heaven forbid a religious radical. It's just my attempt to capture the God parts. That's all. Goodness knows I am not holier than anybody else, and I have A LOT yet to learn and know about The Lord.
All this talk of deep and wide reminds me of one thing I have learned about God as a child and walked out with Him as an adult. His love flows deep AND wide all the time.
Deep and wide….deep and wide. Wherever you are in your life, there's a fountain flowing deep and wide.
To be continued.